Star Trek Academy
by Sanne-chan
Summary: When a certain omnipotent decides he has had it with all those poorly written fanfics, he sends the unsuspecting authors to Star Trek Academy! Rated T just to be sure. Chapter 16 is up!
1. The femslash incident

**A/N** I was inspired by the story of Oozaru Angel: Z Senshi's Institution For DBZ Authors, with her permission. If you know Dragonball Z, I highly recommend it. Now for the disclaimer: this one's going to be for the entire fic, okay? I don't own Star Trek Voyager or any Star Trek series at all. There, happy now?

By the way: just inserting myself in the story is no fun, I need authors/authoresses that want to be in my fic and join me in my quest for ultimate Mary Sue-ness. Just send me an e-mail with your penname, race, description of how you look like (not clothes, just hair, skin, eyes, length, that stuff) and your favourite character from Star Trek Voyager (can also be a villain).

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**Chapter 1: The femslash incident**

SuperSanne sighed as she entered her bedroom and sat down behind her desk. Another boring day at school had just ended and another one would begin tomorrow, and after that another one and another one and… O great, now she REALLY felt depressed. Fortunately, there was one thing that always cheered her up on times like these.  
The authoress grinned as she turned on her computer and created a new document in MS Word:

_Janeway looked in the mirror, after hours of replicating various outfits and recycling them again, she had finally found The Perfect Dress and not a minute to soon, because a few minutes later, a certain ex-drone was standing at the door.  
_"_Kathryn…" she stammered, unable to believe what she was seeing "you are…so…damn sexy!"  
_"_won't you come in?" Janeway said in her most seducing voice. "we'll have some dinner, a glass of wine and after that, maybe we can visit sickbay"  
_"_why would you want to go there?" Seven of Nine asked.  
_"_because…" the Captain whispered in her ear while running her fingers playfully trough Sevens blond hair "you will find that I've disabled a certain annoying hologram this morning so we have the place all to ourselves to play doctor…"_

"AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

SuperSanne almost fell out of her chair as she spun around and saw where the strange voice was coming from.

"You…you…you…you…you…" she stammered as she rubbed her eyes and pinched herself, making sure she wasn't dreaming.

"you…you…are…"

The man that was standing in front of her, raised an eyebrow. She looked at him again, he was wearing a Starfleet uniform and was fiddling with his combadge.

"Oh, really SuperSanne! There's a life-size cardboard cut-out of me standing by your door, don't tell me that you do not…"

"WOOHOO!" she suddenly squealed, jumping in the arms of her visitor.

"OMYGODQITSREALLYYOUICANTBELIEVEITCANIHAVEYOURAUTHOGRAPHANDCANWEVISITTHEQCONTINUUMSOMETIMEBECAUSE"

Suddenly, SuperSanne's mouth disappeared, leaving her with only two eyes and a nose.

"I will give you your big mouth back if you would PLEASE STOP SCREAMING!"

She nodded and Q reluctantly snapped his fingers while trying to suppress the eerie feeling that he was going to regret this.

"how rude!"

"just remember not to…"

"yeah, yeah…" she muttered.

"alright then, let's get down to business and…NO! NOT LIKE **THAT**!" he hastily added as he saw the mischievous grin on SuperSanne's face.

"aww…"

Q sweatdropped animestyle, but suddenly remembered why he was visiting the Star Trek obsessed teenager again.

"I'm travelling trough the galaxy, in search of new students who are in need of…uhm…'special' education"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" SuperSanne yelled at the poor omnipotent, who was now hearing a strange 'beeping noise' in his left ear. "I'm the best of my class! I've never gotten a bad grade in my entire…"

"not those kind of lessons! I'm here to inspect your latest fanfiction!"

"why?" she asked innocently

"well, THAT'S why!" He pointed at her computer.

"uhm…what's the problem?"

"Is that a J/7 femslash I'm seeing?"

"COME ON! There are lots of people who write those!"

Rolling his eyes, Q took a closer look at the screen

"mumble..mumble..mumble…Kathryn, you're so damn sexy…mumble…mumble……her most seducing…mumble…mumble…LET'S GO TO SICKBAY AND PLAY DOCTOR? That's it young lady, you're coming with me!"

"ACK! Hey! Lemme go! Where are you taking me?"

"to Star Trek Academy, where you and your fellow students will learn from the crew themselves everything you need to know and don't need to know about the wonderful world of…"

"uhm…wait a minute, isn't that supposed to be **Starfleet** Acade…"

"no, it's not. This is a new academy made up entirely by me."

"yeah right…(cough) rip-off! (cough)…"

"Is there something wrong?" Q asked while sending SuperSanne a dark glare

"ACK! Nothing! Star Trek Academy sounds just great, hehehe…"

"Good, now let's…"

"Wait a minute, what about my parents? And what about my stuff?"

"Your parents will never know you're missing and your belongings will be transported to your quarters"

Trying to determine how much "stuff" there was, Q looked around, the expression on his face slowly changing from slight amusement to complete horror. SuperSanne's entire bedroom was filled with posters, figurines, DVD's and even a Star Trek Voyager computer mouse (A/N: yes, I actually have one of those!). He noticed that most of the posters featured him… Omnipotent or not, this girl made his blood run cold.

"Did you say I'm going to get my own quarters? YAY!"

"And some counselling, I hope…"

"I HEARD THAT!"

* * *

**A/N:** That's it! Chapter one is finished! Don't forget to e-mail me if you want to be in the story and review, review, review! 


	2. Obsession Scanner v2,3

**A/N:** Chapter two is finished! Meet the newest student of Star Trek Academy…

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**Chapter 2: Obsession Scanner v2.3**

"Argh! Not again!"

For the 4563786th time in a row, Aseawen's computer didn't respond to any of her commands and her B'Elanna wallpaper started to flicker. She already knew what was going to happen next. Aseawen sighed:

"3, 2, 1…"

As if on cue, the system crashed. Oh well, she would just have to reboot and…uh oh…

"Huh? What are you doing?" Aseawen yelled at her computer

"what the…ACK! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! GOD! ALLAH! BOEHDDA! SANTA CLAUS! HELP ME!"

On the verge of tears she stared at her screen which was emitting the blue glow we all know and fear. After countless times of crashing and rebooting, it had finally happened: The Blue Screen Of Death. Aseawen kept staring, while she felt the blood draining from her face. She was going to have to reinstall windows, all of her programs and there was a good chance that all of her files would be gone without a trace.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she cried at the broken machine. "Come on B'Elanna, don't leave me! I NEED…you?"

The hysterical teen abruptly stopped when she saw that she actually got an answer on the screen. It was still blue, but almost like in a chat box, white letters appeared and formed a sentence.

"**you actually call your computer B'Elanna?"**

Aseawen blinked a few times, not sure what to do. Was this some kind of virus or spyware?

"**hello?"** she typed back.

"**oooooooh, this is fun! Let me try: TESTING! TESTING! ONE, TWO…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"**

Aseawen raised an eyebrow when the virus 'screamed' suddenly stopped talking.

"**sorry about that," **appeared on the screen a few minutes later.** "I knew I should have dropped her off at the Academy first. I'm Q by the way"**

_This is getting weirder by the minute,_ she thought. _But what am I'm going to do? Call the helpdesk? 'Hi, my computer has been infected with a virus. It calls itself Q and…what? You want to know what type of virus it is? Hold on a minute, I'll ask'._ The only thing she would get was going to be a one-way ticket to nutsville.

"**who or what are you?"** she typed.

"**Sigh… that's what you get from spending all of your time behind this primitive excuse for a monitor, it melts your brains"**

"**who or what are you?"** she repeated a bit annoyed. First, this virus made her computer crash and now it was mocking her?

"**I already told you, Q is my name, omnipotence is my game and I'm here to take a look at your fanfiction"**

Aseawen rolled her eyes. This virus was very intelligent but the creator was obviously not. Like she would believe that Q from Star Trek Voyager had infected her computer. Uh huh…

Before she could respond, a new window opened.

OBSESSION SCANNER V2.3

"uh oh…" she mumbled.

SCANNING…SCANNING…SCANNING… SCANNING…SCAN COMPLETE

"**now let's take a look at the results…hmm…Mary Sue levels: low… impressive!"**

Aseawen frowned at the strange compliment.

"**OOC-ness level: low, disclaimers: only three missing! Very good, unlike _some_ humans I've met before"**

"**hmmmpf…"**

"**just ignore her. Now, where were we… ah yes, couples! J/C: 4 files, J/7: 0 files, T/P………"**

She looked at the screen, but Q, or whatever it was, had stopped typing and that other person was back.

"**hello? New Zealand girl? It's me again"**

"**what happened to Q?"**

"**he fainted"

* * *

**

**A/N:** Yes, a bit short but don't worry, the next one will be longer and you will get to see Star Trek Academy! By the way, I still need more students. I forgot to put my mail in my profile before, but it's fixed now. E-mail me, and I will send you an "application form", lol!  
Aseawen: sorry for making you look like a complete moron but I could not resist, please forgive me! (gives Aseawen a box of authentic Dutch chocolate sprinkles as a peace offering)


	3. Lights, camera…ACTION!

**A/N:** What? An update? From me? Believe it or not, but it's true! I wanted to update earlier but I was buried under a pile of homework I had to make a few weeks ago ("Hmm… I really should start now but I just have to see that movie…I'll do it tomorrow, promise!). Also, my mom and dad have been married for 25 years and yesterday they celebrated. It got a bit wild, and I'm not sure what I did, but I can vaguely remember standing on the dance floor in a restaurant and ending up under a table with pink feathers in my hair… I have no idea how THAT happened. Also, I've learned a very important lesson: if you don't like your free glass of sangria (an alcoholic drink that smells like nail polish remover), just throw it away and don't give it to your grandma or anyone else who's 85 years or older. Trust me, you will regret it. ("no grandma, I really don't want to 'get up and boogie'")

Anyway, here's chapter three, enjoy and don't forget to review!

**P.S.:** I decided to make all authors human, some of you wanted to be Trill or something else, but I think it would be more funny if all authors are human… don't kill me!

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**Chapter 3: Lights, camera…ACTION!**

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, I'm sending you to Star trek academy for extra training"

"uhm.. not that I don't want to go or anything, but… what did I do?"

Doec looked at the omnipotent, who had suddenly appeared right in front of her while she was jogging in the park, and at SuperSanne and Aseawen who were floating in the air, trapped in some kind of soundproof bubble. She wasn't that good at lip-reading, but after a few minutes, she had a pretty good idea why Q had put them there.

"a Janeway/Kim romance?"

"What's wrong with being original?"

"as fic called 'the trekkie days of Christmas?'"

"it had 18 reviews!"

"and what about this one? It has over 14000 words, which you by the way managed to put all in one single chapter, and features me wearing a Darth Vader helmet!"

Even though the bubble was supposed to be soundproof, they could now faintly hear SuperSanne and Aseawen, who were both laughing hysterically.

"That's not funny!" Q snapped at them

Doec suddenly grinned evilly

"Ooohh… I think I know what your problem is…"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Q, don't be shy! I saw you blushing at the part where you marry captain Janeway"

Q twitched

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

"suuuuuuuuurrrreeeee you don't…" Doec giggled

"I am not in love with Kathy…erm…Captain Janeway, omnipotent beings like myself have far more interesting things on our minds than…"

"then why did you decorate her room with flowers? And what about that one episode when you met her for the first time and could not stop talking about how 'soft her hands were'?"

"I was just being polite, that's all"

Almost as if she was in the middle of a play by Shakespeare, Doec dramatically placed the back of her hand on her forehead

"Captain Janeway, out of all the females of all the species in all the galaxies, I have chosen you to be the mother of my child"

"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Tears were now streaming down SuperSanne and Aseawen's faces, while Q's had turned a bright shade of red. Distracted, he failed to hold up the bubble any longer, causing the two girls to fall on the floor. Enjoying her success, and forgetting that it usually was not a very good idea to make fun of an omnipotent, Doec continued her act.

"I know you're probably asking yourself: Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me?" she said, while dramatically rolling her eyes.

"Let me guess, no one else in the universe will have you" SuperSanne played along, while doing a absolutely amazing imitation of Captain Janeway's voice.

Aseawen thought she was going to pee in her pants, but stopped laughing when she noticed Q was not amused.

"uhm…guys…" she nervously whispered to the two "actors" while pointing at Q, but they completely ignored her

"It's an overwhelming honour, isn't it?" Doec continued, while she held SuperSanne's hand.

"But I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. You're confident, passionate, beautiful-"

"And totally uninterested!" SuperSanne replied, after pretending to slap Doec in the face.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Q shouted, "Both of you stop it right now, or…"

"or else, what?"

"I'll… turn you into an amoeba!"

"COOL!"

Q took a deep breath, while trying to think 'happy thoughts'.

"we're leaving, NOW!"

"aren't we going to pick up anymore students?"

"The others are already at the academy waiting for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm of to Risa for the next couple of weeks"

In a flash of white light, Q disappeared and was on his way to the famous pleasure planet, leaving the three girls alone in the park.

"so, uhm… how do we get to the academy?" SuperSanne asked, but before the others could answer, a blue light surrounded all of them and the three authoresses suddenly found themselves inside a small ship. A very familiar voice greeted them.

"Good morning ladies, welcome to the Delta Flyer. I'm Thomas Eugene Paris and I'll be your pilot today. Please keep your hand ands feet inside the vessel at all times, and…"

Tom turned around when he heard a loud 'thud', and saw that his passengers had fainted. He chuckled.

"gets 'em every time..."

* * *

**A/N** I REALLY want to thank everyone for reviewing chapter one and two! Yes, yes, I know I said that I would let you see Star Trek Academy this chapter, but this really looked like a good place to stop. Don't worry, next chapter the fun will really begin! Also, I've gotten a lot of new students who will be added from time to time (I don't think it's fun to introduce them all on one chapter). It might take one chapter, it might take twenty but you will be in it if you have send me an e-mail. Of course, not everyone will have a big part, that would become to confusing. Some will have one or more chapters to themselves like Doec and Aseawen, and others will just have a few sentences. Sorry about that (smiles nervously). I still accept new students though, just don't expect to get a big part, you'll just have to wait and see what I'll make of it (rubs hands together and laughs evilly). 


	4. Disco Fever!

**A/N:** My homework is finally done! Thanks for all of the kind reviews, they keep me motivated to continue the story. Sorry you all had to wait so long for this chapter, I'll try to update at least once a week from now on. Enjoy!

P.S. Some things (like technology of events) might not seem right and there will be a little bit of OCC-ness (as little as possible) but just remember: this is a humor story and having to do it perfect makes it almost impossible for me to write. Don't kill me!  
P.S. P.S. The mystery behind the seasons will be explained in the next chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Disco Fever!**

"NO!"

"aww… c'mmon Tom, just for a few…"

"Sorry Aseawen, but I can't let you 'take the Flyer for a spin'"

"pretty-please-with-replicated-sugar-on-top?"

Tom rolled his eyes.

"computer, set up a level 4 force field around the helm"

"HEY! Don't you computer-set-up-a-level-whatever-force-field me, flyboy!"

SuperSanne grinned at Doec

"Ha, told you! Pay up D.!"

"darn it…"

"What are you doing?" Aseawen asked, forgetting all about taking over the Delta Flyer

"we betted if Tom would be stupid enough to let you at the helm and I won!"

"Hey!" Tom said. "I heard that you know!"

"Uhm… I was on your side, remember?"

Tom sighed

"your bet's not going to do you any good you know"

"why not? I know Doec's from America but there's a bank near my house that lets you exchange dollars for euros at a very low…"

"we don't have money in the 24th century"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Who's the winner now, eh?"

"Doec?"

"yeah?"

"see that airlock over there?"

"uhm… sure, what are you…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

"LADIES! Don't make me come back there!"

"YAY! Go SuperSanne! Go Doec!"

**_A few hours later…_**

"are we there yet?"

"no"

"still not?"

"no"

"how about now?"

"I WILL TELL YOU WHEN… Oh! We're there already!"

Aseawen, SuperSanne and Doec rushed over to the view screen (or as close as they could get, because of the forcefield) and stared at the tiny speck in the distance.

"Magnify!" tom instructed the computer

"It looks just like Voyager!"

" I…I think it _IS_ Voyager!"

"Hey flyboy, what's the big idea? Isn't this supposed to be an academy?"

"We decided to let you follow your lessons on board, so the environment will be the same as in the show"

"wait a minute, you know Voyager is a TV show in our world?"

"yes, Q told us"

"and you're not…uhm…shocked?"

"not really, we've seen stranger things during the years we spent in this quadrant"

"well_ someone's_ behaving a little OOC today, isn't he?" Aseawen whispered to SuperSanne and Doec. They all glanced at Tom who was now humming Voyager's themesong.

"So," she continued, "why are you doing this anyway? I mean, are you saying that one day, Q just popped op and told you about the whole TV-show-thing and that people are writing fanfiction about you?"

"yep!"

"okaaaaaaaaaaay…"

Aseawen decided not to ask any further questions because the more answers they got, the less sense everything seemed to make. While tom was setting a course for Voyager, she went back to SuperSanne and Doec, who were looking out the window.

"what's up?" she whispered, so Tom wouldn't be able to listen in.

"we're trying to figure out in which season we are" SuperSanne whispered back

"and?"

"well, Doec thought she spotted the Caretakers Array a few minutes ago, but I'm almost certain that I've seen a few Hirogen ships lurking in that green nebula we just passed"

"and what about that strange glowing thingy over there," Aseawen pointed at a small green-yellowish speck in the distance, "Isn't that an opening to fluidic space?"

Their conversation was cut short by 'flyboy' who had just been given permission to dock. A few moments later, the three confused authoresses were standing in sickbay.

"uhm… aren't we supposed to be in the shuttlebay?"

"you three must be the new students" a friendly voice suddenly spoke from behind them.

"don't worry, I'm just going to scan you. It's standard procedure"

"K-K-KES?" SuperSanne exclaimed

"Pleased to meet you" She smiled, not noticing that SuperSannes jaw had just dropped three feet.

"I'm have to go to the hydroponicsbay. Just wait here, the Doctor will be with you shortly" the Ocampa said as she left sickbay

"Did you see that? She had short hair, I told you I saw the Caretakers Array back there!" Doec chided at SuperSanne and Aseawen

"No way, this can't be the first season!" SuperSanne argued "the Delta Flyer was build in season five!"

"Then what is Kes is still doing here, she left Voyager in season four!" Aseawen asked.

"and she was older when she did!" Doec added.

"oh well," Aseawen said, shrugging her shoulders. "as long as I get to see B'Elanna!"

"Well, I guess you must be Aseawen…" a male voice suddenly said

Startled, Aseawen spun around

"You're…the Doctor!"

"the one and only" he said amused.

"Oh wow! B'Elanna is like my favourite character EVER (SuperSanne and Doec sweatdropped) but you're also very…"

"thank you, most students don't…"

"Cool… it goes right trough!"

"STOP THAT!" he snapped at SuperSanne who had sneaked up on him from behind and was now poking the poor hologram to see if he was real

"sjeez…"

The Doctor sighed and started to scan Doec. He managed to use his tricorder on her for exactly five seconds, before she suddenly jumped at him and grabbed his arm,

"and what are YOU up to?" he asked in an annoyed tone, not even trying to get her of his back

"no way…" Doec gasped, ignoring the dark glare the EMH was sending her. "you have a mobile emitter!"

"I told you this isn't season one!" SuperSanne smirked.

Before Doec could respond, a girl suddenly rushed into Sickbay and almost knocked over Aseawen.

"(pant, pant) If somebody askes (pant), you haven't seen me!" she said, but just as she was about to crawl into a jefferies tube, Seven of Nine entered and no, she did not looked like she was in a good mood.

"Dark ninga! I request to know what you did to my alcove!"

"uh oh…"

"comply!" she threatened

"Wow, what on Earth did you do to piss her off like that?" Aseawen whispered admiringly

"All students that have been checked by the Doctor have to go to Cargobay two. When I got there, I thought all that green Borg light was a little boring, and…"

"tampered with my alcove" Seven of Nine finished. "it is now emitting thirteen different colours of light and plays 'Disco Fever' every time I try to regenerate" she said in an icy voice

"Hey, I was doing you a favour!"

"explain"

"Well…uhm…I can't right now, but for some reason it really looked like a good idea back then, don't you like it?" she asked sheepishly

"I do not"

"Wait, Before you do anything rash: I just want to remind you that I have watched every episode you were in like a thousand times and that it is _very_ rude to assimilate your fans!"

"Doctor, have you checked the last students?" she said, completely ignoring Dark ninga.

"yes, there fine… physically"

"Follow us" Seven said to them, as she grabbed Dark ninga's wrist and dragged her back to Cargobay two

"Tom's not the only one who's behaving a little OCC today…" Doec whispered to Aseawen and SuperSanne. "but then again, who wouldn't after they had to listen to 'Disco Fever'?". Shuddering, they both nodded in agreement.

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**A/N: **IMPORTANT: If you still want to be in the story, sent me an e-mail before Wednesday, or else you will have to wait for a long time before there's another chance to apply. 


	5. Dude, that makes no sense at ALL!

**A/N**: I would like to thank everyone for reviewing and/or supporting me. You guys are the best! Special thanks to Aseawen for beta-reading this fic (I can write very well in Dutch, but English is literally an entire different story):

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**Chapter 5: Dude, that makes no sense at ALL!**

"EEEEEEEEEK! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Aseawen, Doec and SuperSanne tried to be as "invisible" as they could, while following a hysteric Darkninga and a very angry Seven of Nine to cargobay two. Just as the ex-drone was about to respond, a very familiar voice sounded over the intercom.

"This is your principal speaking, there has been an incident at cargobay two, all students please report to the messhall for further instructions"

"OMG! CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS OUR PRINCIPAL?" SuperSanne gasped and turned to Seven.

"Hey Seven, do you think that she'll give me an autograph if I make her some of my famous banana-garlic-coffee-surprise?"

Everyone stared at SuperSanne in disgust and disbelieve.

"Why are you looking at me like that? She LOVES coffee!"

"Uhm….sure…." Aseawen said after a long and painful silence

"What's the surprise?" Doec asked, but SuperSanne just grinned wickedly.

"It seems that Darkninga's actions have not gone unnoticed" Seven stated. "We will proceed to the messhall"

She headed for the turbolift. The four authoresses followed them, even though every molecule in their body was telling them not to. Was it woman's intuition? Primordial instincts? Or just plain weirdness? They did not know, but they would soon find out that they should not have ignored it.

* * *

"WELCOME TO VOYAGER!"

They almost jumped trough the roof as the door of the messhall opened and a completely-hyper-as-usual Neelix greeted them

"You made it just in time, how was your trip?"

"Fine, thank you mom…" Doec mumbled, while her left eyebrow twitched.

"Now you just follow no-name ensign nr. 162, he will take you to your table"

Out of nowhere (they always seem to do that for some reason), ensign nr. 162 appeared. He was not handsome, but not ugly either. Just average, as most no-name ensigns tend to be. After what seemed like an hour, they finally got to their table. A few people were sitting at it already, and appeared to be arguing about something.

"Nuh-uh!" a girl with short, blondish-red hair shouted. "Chakotay and Janeway totally have the hots for each other and you know it!"

"Forget it!" another girl with brown hair just past her shoulders fumed "haven't you ever seen 'the Q and the Grey'? The sexual tension between Q and the Captain could almost be cut with a knife back then! No way 'Chuckles' is going to stand a chance against that simply _gorgeous_ omnipotent!"

"ACK! You take that back right now!"

"MAKE ME!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!"

Everyone looked at the two girls that were now on the floor, pulling at each others hair and arguing about the Captains love life.

"Oh, don't mind them" one of the other girls at the table said. "They've been at it since we got here"

"Yannik's right," a second girl nodded. "just ignore them"

"Hey KayB!" the blond girl yelled "who's side are you (pant) on! Get over here!"

"ha, give it up honney862002! (pant) Calling for help isn't going to (pant, pant) do you any good! Just admit that (pant) Q and Kathy are made for each other!"

"Uhg (pant)…NEVER!"

"honney862002! Istarwyn!" a male voice suddenly spoke "break it up, or you're spending your first night on Voyager in the brig"

The two students froze, forgetting all about their fight-to-the-death-or-until-someone-gets-bored, when they saw who was standing behind them.

"Did he hear us?" Istarwyn whispered

"God, I hope not" honney862002 whispered back

"Hear what?" Chakotay asked

"NOTHING!" they both shrieked

"Well, keep it down, the Captain's about to make an announcement" he said, as he walked away and disappeared behind the bar.

"I haven't seen you guys here before, I'm Yannik", the oldest girl said, "and this is KayB"

They all exchanged names and shook hands.

"You all got picked up my Q?" Aseawen asked

"Most of us are, except for honney862002 and KayB, they got picked up by Q2"

"Lucky basta-"

Darkninga's grumbling was cut short by Captain Janeway, who was standing on some sort of podium behind a level 10 forcefield.

"Now _why_ do I get the feeling she doesn't trust us?" Istarwyn joked

"Welcome to Voyager!" the Captain said, while trying not to look _too_ nervous in front of the hundreds of obsessed students.

"OMGYOURETHECOOLESTIWUVYOU!" a girl sitting at the bar suddenly shouted, but was dragged away by security before she had a chance to jump her.

"Right…" Janeway coughed. "Before you will be presented with your duty roster, I would like to lay out a few ground rules"

She held out a data pad and started reading out loud.

"Rule no. 1: unless the Doctor decides otherwise, you will have to attain all classes

Rule no. 2: all critical areas are off limits unless you are accompanied by one of the senior staff.

Rule no. 3: stalking me, or members of my crew is not allowed

Rule no. 4: students will have a limited supply of replicator rations and one hour of holodeck time a week. There will be a schedule, but you are allowed to swap turns with a fellow student if you both desire to do so"

Rule no. 5: in case of an emergency, you will return to your quarters and await further instructions."

At this point, the entire messhall was buzzing.

"Uhm… Captain?" someone asked. "What kind of emergencies are we talking about here?"

"I'll answer that one!"

Everyone gasped when Q suddenly appeared on the stage and froze the Captain, Chakotay and the other members of the crew in time. Literally! They were all covered in a thin layer of ice, unable to move.

"You see class, the Delta Quadrant is a very dangerous place. Any time now, a Vidiian ship might pop up, or the Borg decide they want to add a few new members to their collective! And of course, there's the Kazon, Hirogen hunters and maybe even a couple of…

"Dude, that makes no sense at ALL!" SuperSanne objected. "You got everything mixed up!"

Q grinned in a way that made her blood run cold.

"You are absolutely right!"

"Huh?"

"This is a academy! You're not just here to beg your teachers for autographs but you will be hitting the boo…I mean, datapads, (he coughed) and there will be tests you have to take"

"Huh?"

"Don't you get it?"

"Not really"

"The reason why I 'mixed everything up' is to make sure you don't know what is going to happen!" he said in a cheery voice, like he was telling them they had just won the lottery. "And you know what the best part is?"

"Do we want to know?"

"The crew thinks that this is all normal and they won't believe you no matter what you say! Any questions?"

"Uhm…Q?" a boy in the back raised his hand

"Yes?"

"Will you sign my DVD's?"

* * *

**A/N** Q's evil plan is finally revealed! Will he defrost the Voyager crew? Will Seven's alcove be fixed? Will I get my pants back? And how did I lose those in the first place? Find out n the next chapter…or not! Mhuahahaha!  
By the way, I decided to accept more students. Just e-mail me if you want to be in

P.S. honney862002 and KayB: sorry, I really tried doing something with you two being Sherkay and slitting up or something, but I just couldn't find a way. Don't give up hope though, you never know what might happen during an accident with the transporters…


	6. Aseawen’s escape…uh oh!

**A/N: **It's been a while, but I'm proud to present chapter six of Star Trek Academy! Enjoy!

P.S. Sorry Feathergriffin and Firebirdgirl, I'll put you in the story later. I just wanted to write a "normal" chapter now without introducing new students or this story will never come of the ground. Don't worry, you'll still be in and anyone else that wants to enter can still send me an e-mail.R&R!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Aseawen's escape…uh oh!**

"Eh?"

"W…what..?"

"How…"

A few seconds after Q left (just barely escaping the hundreds of obsessed fans), a **_very_** confused Chakotay, Janeway and Neelix defrosted again. The first thing everybody tried was telling them about Q's little "joke", but as he had predicted, they did not believe it. Instead, almost 400 no-name ensigns (or "redshirts", as they are often referred to) appeared from out of nowhere.

"Wow," Yannik gasped "I've never realised there were so many redshirts on Voyager!"

"I don't remember the crew being this big in the show" Doec asked no one in particular

"Remember what Q told us" SuperSanne said "it's not like on TV, I think the whole young-kes-and-deborged-seven-of-nine-being-on-voyager-at-the-same-time-thing already proved that"

"This way please!" one of the redshirts suddenly interrupted.

"Why?" Darkninga asked suspicious. She already had a bad feeling about all of this and the hundreds of mysterious redshirts randomly popping up right in front of her nose weren't helping.

"I will take you to your quarters, where you will find your belongings and everything else you will need during your stay"

After a few minutes, they saw a turbolift at the end of the corridor

"Follow me!"

"To do what?" Aseawen asked innocently

The redshirt looked at her, puzzled

"Oh, come on!" she giggled, "one lonely redshirt and eight beautiful girls together in a turbolift that will probably 'malfunction' as soon as the doors have closed?"

The poor redshirt's face turned even redder than his uniform.

"Uhm…m-miss...please," he panicked "I c-can assure y-y-you that I...would never…"

"Teehee!"

"Leave that poor guy alone Aseawen" Yannik chided "we have more important things on our minds than flirting with redshirts!"

"Like…meeting B'Elanna?"

"Not again!" everyone groaned, except for the redshirt, who was huddled up in a corner of the turbolift, rocking back and forth and mumbling something about 'Hirogen hunters never being there when you need them'.

Fortunately for the authoresses, he 'disappeared' and a fresh redshirt beamed in and took his place.

"Deck 12, Crew quarters!"

_A few minutes later…_

"Here we are!" the redshirt said, as they stepped outside the turbolift.

"You were supposed to get your own quarters, but because there are more students that the Captain had bargained for, you will be sharing rooms"

"I wouldn't mind sharing a room with Chakotay" SuperSanne grinned.

Redshirt twitched, but continued to walk down the corridor.

"This," he pointed at a door "will be KayB and honney862002's room, that room over there will be SuperSanne and Istarwyn, Yannik and Doec will sleep over there, and lastly, these quarters here belong to Darkninga and Ase… hey, where is that girl?"

"I don't know, she was standing right behind me when we walked out of the…"

"Bye guys, I'll see you later!" they suddenly heard her shouting. They turned around just in time to saw her entering the turbolift. With a mad grin on her face, she closed the doors.

"Deck 11, Engineering!"

"Uh oh…" the redshirt mumbled. He tapped his combadge. "Redshirt 216 to Security!"

"What is it?" someone on the other side asked

"We have a runaway, she's heading for Engineering"

"Understood"

"Please go to your quarters and wait for further instructions" he said to the remaining authoresses.

* * *

"YAY!" SuperSanne squealed as she flopped down on a bed near the door. 

"I'm sleeping here by the window!" Istarwyn said, while inspecting the room.

"Hey SuperSanne, are those your posters?"

They looked at the posters of Q that had been hanging in her own room back on Earth.

"I guess Q kept his word about transporting my stuff… but I don't recognise this one"

"That's mine! And look over here, my figurines are here to!"

"You're a Q fan?"

"Yeah" Istarwyn grinned

(Rumble…rumble…rumble)

"W-what was that?"

(RUMBLE!)

"EEEEEEEEKKK! IT'S THE BORG! THEY'RE ATTACKING VOYA…uh oh, wait a minute… it's just my stomach" she smiled sheepishly

"…"

"Don't give me that look! I have a very fast metabolism!"

"Hey, don't these quarters have replicators?"

"That's right, I forgot!" SuperSanne exclaimed, as she ran towards a strange device embedded in a wall.

"How does it work?"

"There's only one way to find out…"

_Meanwhile in KayB and honney862002's room…_

"Hmm? What's this?" KayB mumbled as she picked up a datapad from her night table

"What did you find?" honney862002 asked, while flipping trough one of her Star Trek magazines.

"It looks like a letter"

"Ooh! Lemme see!" She snatched the datapad out of KayB's hands and started to read out loud:

"_Dear students,  
I welcome you all to Star Trek Academy. During your stay here, you will learn everything you need to know and don't need to know about this ship and its crew. To graduate, you will have to pay attention to your teachers and give it your best. If you fail, you will be banned from the Star Trek Voyager fanfiction community. No exceptions, so don't try any of those the-Borg-assimilated-my-homework excuses on the crew and especially my Kathy because she's far to smart to fall for it._

_Enclosed, you will find your schedule, a map of the ship and a manual on the replicators. _

_Sincerely,_

_Q_

_P.S. Under your pillow lies a combadge. Students are obliged to wear them at all times. _

_P.S. P.S. Honney862002, if you're a true Star Trek fan, you should know that Captain Janeway dreams only of me and that Chuckles would be wise to just go away and play with his little spirit-animal-guide-thingy. Even though I'm totally not infatuated with the Captain, he would only humiliate himself by trying to compete with me for her love."_

Honney862002 frowned, and was about to kick some omnipotent butt when she noticed a second letter under the first one. She scrolled down.

"_Hi!  
Q2 here, just ignore my dad. He totally has the hots for Aunt Kathy, but he's just afraid to show his soft side"_

"_I do not!"_

"_Yes you do!"_

"_Do not!"_

"_Do to!"_

"_Do not!"_

"_Do to!"_

"_Do not!"_

"_Do to!"_

"_That's it; no more soap opera's for you, young man!"_

"_Hey, what are you going to… NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE AN AMOE…AAAAARGHH!"

* * *

_

**A/N:** Aseawen heading for Engineering? Uh oh, this can't be good… Will security be able to catch her in time? Will redshirts take over the ship? Will I be able to replicate myself a sandwich before I starve? Find out next time on Star trek Academy!


	7. Talaxian cuisine

**A/N:** Ugh… 32 degrees…(pants)…it's too hot to write! Stupid country, it always rains except when you really want it to. I already tried to use my hidden telekinetic powers to make at least one of our dikes breach but so far no luck. My dad constantly saying that I'm "overreacting" and telling that I should be glad not to live in France or Spain isn't helping either. I am not overreacting! I'm just afraid that if I sit here for another 5 minutes, I'll melt and the doctors will have to wipe me from the floor with a sponge before they can treat me and my bad mood.

Well, that's enough complaining for today, on with the story!

P.S. Feathergriffin and Firebirdgirl: don't worry, you'll be in the second chapter. I promise!

* * *

**Chapter 7: Talaxian cuisine**

"R-really, she's not here!"

"Don't play games with me Vorik!" Aseawen threatened, as she stalked closer to the Vulcan.

"B'Elanna is in Cargobay Two, helping Seven repair her alcove," he stammered. "She should be back any…"

"That's okay" she said, "I'll just wait…ooooh! Is that the warpcore?"

"Well…"

"SPIFFY! How does it work? Can you show me how to turn it on? Huh? Canya? Canya? Canya?"

Vorik just blinked at the hyperactive authoress, who was now bouncing through engineering.

"What does this button do? And this one? And this one over here?"

"Aseawen," a male voice suddenly said. "Stop what you are doing"

"TUVOK?"

"That is correct"

"What are you doing here?"

"As chief of security, it is my duty to keep…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" she interrupted him. "Have you seen B'Elanna?"

"Lieutenant Torres has no time for obsessed fans"

"HEY! I'm not obsess…DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES ON ME VORIK!"

Tuvok sighed

"Aseawen, please release ensign Vorik and step away from that console"

Just as Aseawen was about to say something that would make this fic's rating go trough the roof, a certain chief engineer walked in.

"I can't believe Captain Janeway is letting those (something Klingon the translator is unable to process) students just walk around the…"

She stopped her ranting when she saw what was going on.

"Tuvok, what are… hey! Who are you?"

"…"

"What are you doing in MY engineering?"

"…"

B'Elanna frowned at the student, who was just blinking and opening and closing her mouth like a fish.

"Lieutenant," Tuvok said in a low voice "don't make any sudden moves"

"IEEEEEEEEHIEEEIIEIEIEEIIEEEEEEEEEEHIEEEE!" Aseawen snapped out of her trance "OMG! OMG! OMG! B'ELANNA! ICANTBELIEVEITSREALLYYOUOMGWILLYOUPLEASESIGNMYB'ELANNAPOSTERORMYB'ELANNATSHIRTORJUSTMYFOREHEADILLBEREALLYCAREFULLWHENIWASHMY…"

"Tuvok!" the startled half-Klingon shouted, "get this…this PETAQ off my back!"

"Does that mean that you're not going to sign my…HEY! LEMMEGO! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

"There are times…" B'Elanna sighed as she leaned against a wall, "I wish the Vidiians had already found us"

_Meanwhile in SuperSanne's and Istarwyn's room…_

"Lasagne…lasagne…LASAGNE!" SuperSanne shouted at the Evil Replicator of Doom. It had been almost 40 minutes now and they hadn't even been able to even replicate a glass of water.

"Maybe we should read the manual again…" Istarwyn tried

"If this thing isn't going to work in the next five minutes, I'm going to EAT the manual!" SuperSanne growled.

"Let me try… coffee, black!"

(crickets chirping in the background)

"I don't get it! I did it exactly like Captain Janeway on TV! It has to be…"

"Attention all students!" an eerily happy Talaxian voice suddenly boomed over the comm. "As some of you might have already noticed, the replicators are off-line. Do not worry, they will be working again by tomorrow morning"

SuperSanne and Istarwyn both felt the blood draining from their face. They did not liked where this was going…

"As your chief morale officer, I thought it might be a good idea to get to know each other a little better and that's why I have prepared a special banquet! You will be transported to the messhall at 1800, be sure to bring your appetite!"

A series of gulps and groans could be heard all over the ship, because even the 'just moderate' fans knew what Neelix meant by a 'special banquet'.

"It's official:" SuperSanne sighed. "we're going to die…"

* * *

Aseawen grinned as she was escorted back to her quarters by Tuvok and a few redshirts. After giving him her most innocent smile, promising to neeeeeeeeeveeeer do it again, he reluctantly decided not to throw her in the brig. However, she would not give up so easily. Oh no, far from it! If Voyagers 'head chief of grumpiness' thought that he could keep her from getting that autograph, he was wrong. Very wrong…

"MHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ms Aseawen, are you alright?" Tuvok asked

"Uhm…yeah, (cough) sorry about that"

_30 minutes later…_

Darkninga was barely able to hold her lunch, when she saw the big bowl of Alfarian hairpasta standing on the buffet table. The others weren't fairing much better, gulping at the sight of Leola root stew, Jelly a la Neelix, and a gigantic plate full of sticky, blue…erm… well, they weren't sure what it was.

"Well?" Neelix asked Yannik, who looked a bit greenish, "Aren't you going to eat something?"

"Thank you, but…I'm not hungry…"

"Aw, nonsense!" He chirped. "Here, try this!"

He gave her a bowl filled with a thick, brown, muddy substance.

"It's Plomeek soup, a traditional Vulcan recipe"

"Hey that looks good!" SuperSanne smiled, "I think we'll have that as well, right guys?"

The others just blinked at her, when she took a few extra bowls, and picked out an empty table.

"Yuk! I'm not touching this stuff, it looks like sewer water!" Darkninga protested

"Look guys," SuperSanne said, "I don't know about you, but I'm starving and I think this is the safest thing to eat"

"Why?"

"Because its Vulcan. They're vegetarians, so we don't have to be afraid that 'something' in our soup isn't dead yet and attacks us. Besides that, Vulcans are the most boring race in the universe, so I don't think the vegetables or spices will pose much of a health threat either"

"There is just one thing bothering me," Darkninga said.

"What?"

"Isn't Plomeek soup supposed to be clear and watery?"

* * *

They all stared at their 'soup'. No one said a word, afraid that if they made a sound, the others would assume that the person in question was offering herself as a guinea pig.

"Doec?" SuperSanne suddenly spoke.

"Yeah?"

"I think you should try it first"

"Huh?"

"Well, you're the oldest, so you will have to sacrifice yourself for the group"

"Hey, wait a minute! It was your idea to get this stuff!"

"Your point?"

Doec was about to tell SuperSanne what she could do with her Plomeek soup, until honney862002 suddenly closed her eyes shut, took her bowl with both hands and gulped the horrible concoction down before the two squabbling authoresses could even blink.

"Dude, I can't believe you did that!" KayB gasped in awe.

"Neither can I," she murmured, "but…it's good!"

"It is?"

"Yeah..." she said yawning, "you should try it, it tastes like…a little bit of everything"

KayB took a closer look at her roommate.

"Are you okay?"

Honney862002 yawned again and fell asleep with her head in KayB's soup.

"So…" Aseawen said after a long and painful silence. "Anyone up for some Leola root stew?"

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that ends today's chapter! I hope you liked it, don't forget to review! Also, a special thanks to Aseawen for beta-ing my story ;) 


	8. Sanity is irrelevant

**A/N: **

SuperSanne: wow…51…reviews…can't…sleep…must…update…my…best…story…ever…(yawns)

Random reader: sigh…you would have more energy if you exercised a bit more instead of spending your entire vacation behind your playstation playing "Star Trek: Shattered Universe"

SuperSanne: (glares at Random reader)

Random reader: I'll just shut up now…

* * *

**Chapter 8: Sanity is irrelevant**

"Just relax, you're going to be fine"

"Hmmm…wha…?"

After spending a night in sickbay, Honney862002 opened her eyes a bit. Everything was blurry at first, but after a few minutes, she started to see shapes.

"Kes?" she mumbled

"I see you finally decided to join us?" a male voice suddenly said

"Doc?"

"At least your memory is still functioning, I see"

"What happened?"

"Well," he said in an almost cheerful voice "You and few other students had an allergic reaction to yesterday's Plomeek-soup-with-a-talaxian-twist."

"You mean those girls?" Honney (**A/N:** I hope you don't mind, but I'm just going to call you that, those numbers are a pain to type) asked, while glancing at three unconscious figures lying on the biobeds on her right

"Yes, but unfortunately they weren't…as lucky as you were"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!"

"DOCTOR!" Kes shouted

"Hmmpf, no one here can take a little joke anymore..."

"We're not dead!"

They all turned around. The girls had finally woken up and looked pretty annoyed.

"Even though it was a close call… I told you we should've taken our chances with the blue stuff, but noooooooooooo! YOU had to try that Vulcan mud of Doom!"

"It was your idea!"

"No it wasn't!"

"But I didn't…"

Both of them started to glare at the third girl.

"H-hey…come on guys…" she laughed nervously

"GET HER!"

"YIKES!"

After a few minutes of fighting (and almost destroying half of sickbay), they finally decided to stop. The bickering authoresses realized that violence never really was the answer, and that they were mature enough to solve their problems in a more sophisticated manner. The Doctor threatening to go to the Captain and have their replicator rations taken away for three weeks, also helped.

"KayB to Honney!"

A bit startled, Honney tapped her combadge

"Uhm…Honney here!"

"Dude! Where are you!"

"In sickbay, remember?"

"Well, get over here you're going to be late!"

"Late for wha…."

Suddenly, it hit her. Their first lesson! With all the confusion, she almost forgot!

"Now what are we going to do!" she yelled at no one in particular.

"Wait a minute, I have our timetable somewhere here in my pocket…" one of the girls mumbled "Ah! Here it is!"

They all looked at the datapad:

_**Time:** 08.00_

_**Teacher:** Seven of Nine_

_**Location:** Astrometrics lab_

_**Class:** OC development_

"AAAAAH!" Honney panicked "It's 08.05! We're never gonna…."

But before she could finish her sentence, a blue light engulfed them, and a few seconds later…

"Welcome to Astrometrics, please take your seats" a female voice came from behind them

"Uhm…how did we…"

"Hey, no fair!" Someone shouted from the back of the class. "Why do _they_ get to use the transporters!"

"5 of 11! Return to your seat"

"I am not '5 of 11'! My name is Darknin…"

"They have been transported here with permission from the Doctor, but it will not happen again. I expect everyone to attend my class on time"

"I feel an 'or else' coming…" Honney whispered. The others swallowed and glanced uneasily at the ex-drone

"Honney!"

"Y-yes?"

"You designation will be 8 of 11. Firebirdgirl, your designation will be 9 of 11. Feathergriffin, your designation will be 10 of 11. Slayer, your designation will be 11 of 11"

"Wait a minute! I like my name!"

"Names are irrelevant. Designations are more efficient. You will adapt."

"Argh…"

They all took their seats, and waited for the lesson to begin.

My designation is Seven of Nine, and I will be teaching you OC-development.

"Seven," Aseawen asked, "what's an 'OC'?"

"2 of 11! You will raise your hand before you ask a question!"

Aseawen grumbled and raised her hand.

"2 of 11?"

"What…(sigh)… is an OC?"

"OC is the abbreviation of 'Own Character'. You will learn how to create and perfect one"

"COOL! I'm SO going to ace this class!"

"Incorrect"

"Excuse me?"

Seven walked over to the monitor (you know, that big one on the wall) and called up a few text files. They immediately recognized a few of them as their own fanfictions, but there were also a lot of files none of them could identify.

"What you see here, are your fanfictions. They are unacceptable and insufficient. 'Acing' this class with your current writing skills is unlikely"

"Wait a minute… GROSS!" SuperSanne exclaimed after studying the screen "'The way she looked at me' is Doec's, and I created 'Beam me up Goku?', but who _ON EARTH_ wrote 'If I had only nine years to live: a Kes/Borg Queen romance'?"

"That would be 4 of 11"

"?"

Seven sighed.

"Istarwyn"

"HEY!" Istarwyn shrieked "That isn't me! I never even wrote a Voyager fic! I'm not even sure why I'm here…"

"Q has the ability to travel through time and space"

"And?"

"He has seen your future selves, wreaking havoc on various fanfiction websites by posting hundreds of flawed and imperfect stories that you thought were 'original'. We will prevent that from happening"

"What about the prime directive?"

Seven slowly turned around and glared darkly at her.

"Right…" Istarwyn gulped "never mind…"

* * *

**A/N: **An important announcement: I will no longer accept new students, because I already have ten (eleven if you count me in) and it's getting a bit difficult to give everyone a place in the story. You can still send me an e-mail, but I will keep it as a "back-up" and might not use it at all. However, if you are a guy, you will be the first to get a place because I just noticed that all the students are female! If you are a male reader, please e-mail me! I promise you that you will get your own quarters ;)

**P.S.** Sorry if the you-wrote-an-awful-story-in-the-future explanation is a bit…uhm…lame, but I had to think if something to give the non-writers an excuse for being on Voyager. Besides that, I like thinking of fake stories! (grins evilly)

**P.S. P.S.** This is an un-beta-ed chapter, because I think Aseawen is on vacation and I don't have the patience to wait until she's back. Of course I could wait another day, since I only e-mailed my chapter last night (coughs) but it's been so long since I updated and I really wanted to upload this. Creative flow and stuff like that. Also, a special note to **A Slayer**: I hope you don't mind that I call you Slayer, it writes more easily. "Hello, A Slayer" sounds a bit funny ;)


	9. A little less logic

**A/N:** Ahhh! I'm so sorry for not updating! I've been very busy, and I'm also working on my other fic, "Beam me up Goku?". I'm going to re-upload all of the chapters from that fic, because the grammar in the first few chapters is just… horrible. It really is. I also seemed to have some sort of wicked caps lock obsession when I first started writing. My multiple exclamation marks will not survive the upload process, but it has to be done… (starts acting all dramatic).

Now (cough), on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter 9: A little less logic**

'…and that's why a 14 year old human girl is highly unlikely to become Captain of a star ship, the 'new' Borg Queen, or supreme ruler of the Q-continuum. As for… 7 of 11! Be efficient!" Seven suddenly chided

"Hmm…?" Doec mumbled, rubbing her eyes

"You will not sleep during my class."

"I was just resting my eyes!"

"Sure you did…" Firebirdgirl snickered

"9 of 11!"

"What?"

"I've allotted one hour for educational activity. There's no time for irrelevant conversation."

"I'll be quiet if you let me use my name again?" Firebirdgirl asked hopefully

"I think Borg designations are cool." SuperSanne murmured with a cheesy grin on her face

"At least you're not called '9 of 11', what if people are going to think I'm a terrorist?"

"What's the big deal?" Aseawen butted in, "People call me that all the time, and you don't see me whining about it, do you?"

"Uhm…Aseawen?"

"Yeah?"

"You worry me sometimes."

In the mean time, student 1 of 11, also known as 'Yannik' was only half listening. She had actually been looking forward to her first lesson on this so-called academy, but right now, she felt like strangling Q and banging her head against the hull of a Borg cube.

'Unbelievable…' she thought. 'Here I am, on the Federation Star Ship Voyager with Seven of Nine herself teaching us how to write fan fiction, and so far I haven't even learned one thing'

She glanced at Slayer who was fiddling with her combadge, and Honney and KayB who were giggling madly about something she could not hear. Yep, this was going to be one long…

"1 of 11! You are not paying attention!"

"Oooohhh… busted!" Darkninga joked

"5 of 11 return to your seat, you are encouraging disorder!"

"I know!"

Seven twitched.

"This lesson is terminated." she said in an icy voice, "You will now continue to your next class, BUT…" (She stressed that last part, seeing that everyone was already heading for the turbolift)

"Teehee! Did you hear that? She said…hey! What's the big idea?" Darkninga protested when Seven suddenly started handing out PADDs. (A/N: I just recently learned what those 'datapads' are actually called!)

"You will complete this assignment before next week."

"Wait a minute…we actually get homework?"

"Correct"

"Spiffy!"

"So, where to next?" Firebirdgirl asked Slayer, who was taking a look at her timetable.

"Our next course is 'Writing romance' with Lt. Tuvok in Cargobay one."

"This, I got to see…"

* * *

When they entered, the first thing they noticed were the chairs and tables, or rather, the lack of them. The place was rather dusty too, and they had to be careful not to trip over any of the loose cargo that was strewn on the floor. 

"Greetings" Tuvok said. "Please take a seat."

"Uhm… where?" Slayer asked

"On the floor, we haven't been able to replicate new desks yet."

"New desks? What happened to the old ones?"

"My previous class had just attended 'Cooking with Neelix' and it appeared they were intolerant to high doses of sugar"

"Neelix…pairings…sugar…ugh!" She shuddered, desperately trying to get rid of the VERY unpleasant images that started to form in her head.

"We will begin. Romance is a popular genre. When written properly, the story is very likely to become loved amongst the majority of readers. However…"

"Hey, slow down!" Istarwyn shouted, but Tuvok just ignored her.

"… most romance fictions are flawed. A few commonly made mistakes are illogical pairings, Mary Sue's trying to seduce the senior officers, and unusual mating rituals."

"Neelix…sugar…unusual mating rituals… I think I'm going to be sick"

"And you were worried about ME?" Aseawen whispered to Firebirdgirl

Tuvok suddenly started handing out PADD's.

"More of these things?" Slayer whined, "Seven already gave us homework, I'll never have time to visit the holodeck like this!"

"This assignment is part of the lesson, you will write an 3000 word romance fiction in one hour and hand it to me at the end of the lesson. I will review them personally and discuss the results next lesson."

"You…are going to review our fics?"

"That is correct."

"AND YOU'RE ONLY GIVING US ONE HOUR?"

"58 minutes now."

Slayer turned around and fell over anime-style, when she saw that everyone had already started.

About 20 minutes later…

"Great, only 40 minutes left and I'm still stuck on this lousy story!" Frustrated, SuperSanne laid down her PADD and glanced at Aseawen, who was cackling madly, mumbling something about 'the best P/T fic EVER!' She let out another sigh; this sure brought back memories. SuperSanne remembered sitting in class a few days ago, feeling down about yet another stupid assignment. When she got home, the first thing she did, was turning on her computer and write fanfiction. She always tried to do something original too, like Star Trek/anime crossovers or, as Tuvok had put it, 'illogical pairings'.

Slowly, an almost evil grin appeared on her face, as she picked up her PADD again and started writing.

"It's not exactly the Vulcan way, but something tells me that a little LESS logic is just what this fic needs…"

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm sorry if I might offended someone with the little terrorist remark, I know how sensitive these things can sometimes be, but I just couldn't resist! If anyone is offended or feels uncomfortable with his (yes Sikar, I'll let you join the others very soon!) or her part in the story, don't hesitate to let me know! In the mean time, thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. (and a special thanks to Aseawen, my trusty beta!) 


	10. Red alert!

A/N: Before you all grab your hayforks and flaming torches, I was, and still am very busy! I'm in my last year at school and I'm constantly being stalked by rabid teachers who force me to make all kinds of strange and mysterious projects. I won't be updating this every week, but I won't abandon it, though. I have plans for this story, and especially for poor Sikar, the first (grins evilly) male student of Star trek Academy (who's introduction I should've written months ago…).

Enjoy!

P.S. For those of you who've been reading my other story, "Beam me up Goku?": I've rewritten all chapters, and moved it from DBZ to Anime Crossovers. It was a pain to do, but let's face it: the grammar alone made your brain explode. I hope it's better now!

* * *

**Chapter 10: Red alert!**

"30 seconds left" Tuvok announced emotionless as ever, unlike the poor authoresses who were typing at warp 9 to finish their stories.

"Almost there…"

"Just a few more words…"

"One last spell-check…"

"And... I'M DONE!"

The entire class was sweating and panting, but everyone had managed to complete their fiction.

"Please form a line and hand over your PADDs" the Vulcan ordered, as he took one out for himself.

"What do you need that for?" Darkninga asked

"I will download your fictions to my personal PADD, and allow you to keep the original so you can improve it later"

"That makes sense, I guess"

A few minutes later, they had all turned in their assignments. According to their timetable, this had been their last course for the day so they had the rest of the afternoon off.

"So, what did you guys write?" KayB asked.

"A J/C fic" Honney sighed. "I wanted to do something really original, but when Tuvok kept counting town the minutes we had left, I just blacked out". The others nodded in agreement, except for Aseawen and SuperSanne.

"Hey," Istarwyn said "why are you guys smirking?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Aseawen said casually. "maybe because I…WROTE THE BEST T/P FIC IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!"

The others sweatdropped when Aseawen cackled madly.

"And what about you?" Istarwyn asked SuperSanne, not sure if she even wanted to know.

"Weeeeeeell…" she drawled

"Well… what?" Doec and Darkninga asked eagerly. At this point, everyone was curious.

"Is it a J/C"

"Nope!"

"P/T?"

"Not even close"

"J/7?"

"Wrong again!"

"Well, tell us already!" Slayer exclaimed

SuperSanne grinned deviously, and whipped out her PADD

"Its… Q/T!"

If they had not been on a starship, you could've heard crickets chirping in the background.

"I hope you don't mean Q/T as in… Q/Torres?" Aseawen asked in a threatening voice.

"No! no! no!" SuperSanne said quickly, "I mean Q/Tuvok!"

"Good, because everyone knows B'Elanna would never hook up with…" Aseawen paused when she realised what SuperSanne had just blurted out, "YOU WROTE WHAT?"

"I don't believe it", KayB said and snatched the PADD out of her hands and read the summary:

'_Till logic do us part: when Tuvok gets abducted by Species8472, he is mysteriously rescued by the most sexy drop-dead gorgeous omnipotent in the universe. Will they make it back to Voyager in time? And will the shy Vulcan Commander finally find the courage to confess his undying love for Q, after pushing him away for so many years?_

She slowly glanced at SuperSanne, who was beaming with pride.

"Why'd you stop reading?"

"Dude!" KayB exclaimed, "If Tuvok reads this, you're dead!"

SuperSanne suddenly turned awfully pale

"What…do you mean 'if Tuvok reads this'?"

"Weren't you paying attention during class? He's going to read our stories and review them!"

"Uhm…"

"Who else did you think was going to read them then?"

"Well, I thought maybe…"

SuperSanne never got the chance to finish her sentence, because…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Everyone screamed when a sudden explosion rocked the ship. Consoles were burning, sparks were flying, and all over Voyager, redshirts were dropping like flies.

"We're under attack!" Doec panicked

"No shit, Sherlock!" Slayer yelled above the explosions.

"Hey, watch your mouth! We don't know the rating of this episode!" Yannik chided

"If Captain Janeway can use foul language, then so can we…d-d-dammit!"

Yannik opened her mouth to retort, but their argument was cut short by Captain Janeway, who was yelling something over the COMM.

"Red alert! We are under attack! All personnel report to your stations immediately! Students are ordered to return to their rooms and wait for further instru…"

A loud crackling noise interrupted the message and suddenly, the COMM system was down. Not caring about Slayers language or SuperSanne fic, everyone quickly scrambled to their feet and made a mad dash for the turbolift, but just as they were about to enter…

**CRASH! **

"HEY!" Darkninga yelled at the guy who had blocked their path

"You can't go in there!" he said, "this is Star Trek, remember? If you take the turbolift during an attack, it will either crash within 10 seconds, or there's an alien hiding in it!"

"And you are?"

"Sikar, I arrived here yesterday but Doc kept me in quarantine."

He took a better look at the group before him, and blinked.

"Uhm… are you all girls?"

"What do you mean by that?" she glared at him

"Well," he began sweating, "it just uhm… I always thought that Star Trek…is…you know…"

"Star Trek is what?" everyone asked

"A…guy thing?"

For a whole ten seconds, everyone just stared at him, mouths hanging open. After that, all hell broke loose and poor Sikar had to run for his life.

"WHY YOU…!"

"THAT JERK!"

"GET HIM!"

Even though he could see his life flashing before his eyes, Sikar still managed to dodge the enrage authoresses and crawl into a Jefferies tube.

_15 minutes later…_

"Man, it sure is dark in here!"

"ACK! Honney, get of me!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying! If KayB wasn't such a slowpoke and hurried up…"

"But I'm right behind you! Feathergriffin is the one hogging the ladder!"

Determined to get Sikar and show him some 'girl power', they followed him into the Jefferies tube. Unfortunately, it proved to be a little smaller than they had expected and since another blast had caused main power to go offline, only the red emergency lighting was left to illuminate the ship.

"Look, this isn't going to work!" Yannik stated, "Let's just go back to our quarters and talk to him later"

Darkninga grumbled, but agreed and followed the others back to the exit.

Sikar in the meantime, had far bigger problems to worry about. As he faintly heard a few female voices in the distance, he grinned and cleverly headed for the exit in the opposite direction. Thinking he was home free, he opened the hatch and stepped out into the corridor, only to be greeted by a seven feet tall alien, who was pointing something that looked like a futuristic bazooka at him.

"I am a hunter… you are my prey!"


	11. Who ya gonna call?

**A/N:** I've tried, but it seems my update-rate is still stuck at once-a-month. I'm a busy person, so It'll probably not get any better soon… I'm not forgetting this (and my other) fic, though! This chapter was supposed to be uploaded yesterday, but for some reason, I can't upload any documents! It's probably only temporary, but I was impatient, so I exported chapter 10 and replaced the text. Brilliant, huh? (pats herself on the back)

By the way: since Aseawen is on a cruise with her parents (while I'm freezing my butt off on the other side of the planet), this chapter isn't beta-ed. Be afraid, be very afraid! Mhuahahaha!

* * *

**Chapter 11: Who ya gonna call?**

"I am a hunter… you are my prey!"

"Uh oh…"

Sikar gulped as the Hirogen looked down on him. This was not good…

"Any last words?"

"Well, actually I…LOOK! A FLOCK OF WILD REDSHIRTS!"

Excited (but not the giddy-schoolgirl kind of excited), the alien looked over his shoulder. Of course, all the redshirts that had survived so far, had already fled the scene. Contrary to popular belief, not all redshirts are braindead morons. They are just extremely unlucky, which is the main reason for their unfortunate spot at the bottom of the Star Trek food chain. Only the strongest redshirts can survive long enough to be noticed by one of the main characters. As soon as one of them calls a redshirt by his real name, a chemical reaction is triggered in the brain. The redshirt forms a cocoon (often referred to as an "environmental suit") and after spending a few days maturing in a random Borg cube, a broken down shuttlecraft, or a collapsed cave on a dangerous alien planet, he finally emerges as a beautiful butterfly ensign.

Disappointed (and quite peeved!), the Hirogen turned back to Sikar, or rather, the spot where he had been standing a few seconds ago before he took his chance and bolted.

"Perhaps this hunt will be more challenging than I first anticipated", he mused out loud, for some reason unaware that this made him look like an complete idiot. Or perhaps he did know, but he simply didn't care. The guy was seven feet tall and had a weapon to match, so it's not like anyone was stupid enough to ask him.

* * *

"I told you we should've taken a left turn at Astrometrics!" 

"You were the one that had us running circles on deck nine for almost 15 minutes!"

"Well, if you didn't…"

Yannik rolled her eyes and turned to the bickering authoresses.

"Can't you guys be quiet for just TWO MINUTES? I'm trying to find us a way back to our quarters and I can't concentrate with all that…"

"Hey!" Darkninga protested, "Who put you in charge?"

"I'm the oldest!"

"No, you're not!" Firebirdgirl objected, "Doec is! Right, Doec?"

She looked over her shoulder, but the corridor behind her was empty

"Doec? Doec! Where are you? Come on, this is not funny!"

Unfortunately, Yannik's roommate did not show up. To make matters worse, the explosions stopped and eerie techno music softly started playing in the background.

"Oh crap…" SuperSanne muttered under her breath, her eyes nervously darting from side to side.

"Great," Istarwyn exclaimed, "I've seen this show more than a thousand times, and we have just officially been boarded by the aliens!"

"How do you know that?" Aseawen asked

"The creepy soundtrack, lack of senior officers, flashing alarm lights… and of course the sound of grunting and heavy footsteps that seem to be coming closer every second"

They all listened to what seemed like a group of elephants stampeding through the corridors. The sound grew louder and louder, until the authoresses suddenly stood face to face with five Hirogen hunters, none of the appearing to be very friendly.

"We are the hunters…." The biggest and most menacing looking of them started, "you are our…"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!"

The poor Alpha never got the chance to finish his speech. Startled by the extreme amount of noise their prey had managed to produce, he doubled over and clutched his ears in agony.

"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" he yelled, but they had already ran of.

"So long, suckers!" Aseawen yelled over her shoulder as they rushed inside a nearby turbolift. She stuck out her tongue and waited for the doors to shut. Unfortunately, they did not and the Hirogen were now closing in on them at an alarming speed.

"Uh oh… the doors are stuck!"

"Sikar was right, Turbolifts always break during an emergency!" Slayer panicked. "Darkninga, do something!"

"Ack! Why me?"

"If you can sabotage Seven's alcove, surely you can fix the doors!"

"That's not the same….AAARGH!"

Darkninga saw something moving in the corner of her eye and barely dodged an energy blast.

"They're shooting at us!"

"Stand back everyone!" Aseawen shouted heroically as she kicked the controls of the Turbolift. Sparks flew everywhere, but somehow, it had worked! The Alpha made a mad dash and reached for Istarwyn's hair, but with a smooth "whoosh", the doors closed just in time. The background music faded away and the soft humming of the machinery filled the lift.

"That…was…so…COOL!" Darkninga laughed, "We're being chased by _REAL_ Hirogen hunters! I wonder if they'll sign some of my posters…"

"You mean before, or _after_ they have killed us and made trophies out of our intestines?" Firebirdgirl asked sarcastically, "I think we should just go to Deck 12, sneak back to our quarters and hide under our beds until Captain Janeway blows them out of the airlock or something like that."

Aseawen was about to ask if they could make a quick stop at Engineering, but her combadge suddenly started beeping

"Ack! What did I do? What did I do?"

"I think you're being hailed"

"I am? Cool!" she grinned and tapped the device with her right hand, like she had seen on the show.

"Aseawen here!"

_"Doec here, I'm… wait a minute…Aseawen?"_

"Yeah, it's me, why?"

_"Uhm…I was trying to hail Yannik, can you put me through?"_

"What for?"

_"Well, uhm… you see…"_

There was some whispering in the background. One of the other persons was definitely Sikar mumbling something incoherent, but there was another voice that seemed very familiar, but it was too soft to hear who it was

_"Just put me through, okay?"_

That sounded just a little too desperate…

"Nooooooooooooooo, I don't think so!"

"Aseawen, just give me your combadge already!" Yannik demanded, impatient.

_"AAAAAH! They're coming! They're coming!"_ she heard Sikar shouting.

_"Please, just give me someone else!"_ Doec begged, _"Darkninga, Slayer, the Borg Queen, anyone!"_

"Ooh, my hand is wavering over my combadge," Aseawen sang evilly, "I might accidentally hit it and break the connection!"

_"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I wasn't paying attention and went left at Astrometrics where I bumped into Sikar who was being chased by a Hirogen hunter! We took a Jefferies tube back to Deck 12, but the ladder was broken, so we had to get out at Deck 11..."_

Aseawen's eyes suddenly grew as big as dinner plates.

"D-Deck 11?"

Doec gulped and they heard someone else cursing quite loudly in the background.

_"Yeah…we're trapped in Engineering…"_


	12. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

**A/N:** Yup, another update and it's beta-ed! Thanks everyone for all your encouraging reviews! Let the madness continue…

* * *

**Chapter 12: It's a conspiracy, I tell you!**

"E-Engineering?"

"Yes…"

Everyone (on both sides of the comlink) groaned silently, knowing what was going to happen. 5…4…3…2…1…

"NOOOOOOO! HOLD ON B'ELANNA! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

Before anyone knew what happened, Aseawen hit the controls of the Turbolift and opened the doors. Conveniently enough, they had stopped exactly at Deck eleven. They did not have to climb out through the roof or even do as much as watch their step. With a loud battlecry, the obsessed authoress burst out, only to find… no one?

Cautiously, the other students stepped out into the corridor. Something strange was going on: if the Hirogen were trying to take over Engineering, surely they would not be as stupid as leaving the Turbolift unguarded? The Hirogen were big, but not stupid. It would be everything but "cunning", to basically invite your prey to team up and attack you from behind.

Unless…

"Uhm guys…" Slayer suddenly whispered nervously, "call me paranoid, but I think this could be a trap!"

"I don't care!" Aseawen said defiantly, "I have to save B'Elanna!"

"But who is going to save us?" SuperSanne squeaked in an unusually high voice.

Aseawen smirked confidently.

"Feh! Like those walking steroids could get me!"

"I… I really d-don't think y-y-you s-should…"

Not paying attention to Firebirdgirl, who had turned ghostly white, she continued to boast

"I've seen every episode a million times, so I know exactly how to deal with these spotty overgrown…"

"Aseawen…"

"Grunting, bulky, idiotic…"

"A-Aseawen…"

"Smelly, braindead, pathetic excuse for a…"

She trailed off when she saw that her fellow students were all shaking, mumbling incoherent sentences and were frantically pointing at something.

"They're right behind me, aren't they?"

The others slowly nodded, and Aseawen suddenly noticed a large shadow looming over her. Curiosity getting the better of her, she broke the Number One Rule of 'how to survive in a horror movie': never, ever, EVER look over your shoulder (even if the monster is not there, it will jump out in front of you the minute you turn your head back).

She grinned sheepishly at the Beta hunter, who did not look like he was in a good mood.

"Walk," he said gruffly, surprisingly not trying to shoot them.

"And what if we don't want to, Mr. Vocabulary?" Darkninga dared him. He raised an invisible eyebrow and pulled out his weapon, which was almost as big as her.

"Well," she gulped, "if you put it _that_ way…"

* * *

"I can't believe this…" Istarwyn muttered, kicking the forcefield that contained them. The Hirogen had not taken them to Engineering. Instead, they had been locked in Cargobay Two with the other students and the rest of the crew. The only one missing was the Doctor, who would probably save the day. They just hoped that he would hurry up, because a certain chief engineer was about to loose it and you do NOT want to be trapped behind a forcefield with an insane half-Klingon who likes to thrash holograms with a Bat-leth in her spare time.

"Come on, just ONE autograph!"

"No!"

"Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke…"

"Stay there! Don't come any closer… Tom! Make that… that _thing_ stay away from me!"

Unfortunately, her husband was too busy prying a group of rabid fangirls of his legs and the other crewmembers were facing similar problems. Even Neelix was not spared, which is kind of creepy if you think about it.

SuperSanne nervously glanced around, trying to make herself as small and invisible as possible. It was not the Hirogen guard she was afraid of. Oh no… she had bigger problems on her mind.

_Please don't let him see me, please don't let him see me!_

"Miss SuperSanne, can I have a word with you?"

_Oh CRAP!_

Very slowly, she turned sideways to the Head chief of Security she had been trying so hard to avoid. Pretending not to hear him, she quickly turned her head back and focused on a spot on the floor. The Vulcan remained emotionless as usual and continued to stare at her, but she did not move. Maybe if she ignored him long enough, the Hirogen would shoot them before he could mention… IT.

15 minutes later, her "writing romance" teacher had still not moved. She could almost feel his eyes piercing through her skull. Was he trying to read her mind? He could not do that without a mindmeld, could he? She continued to keep her eyes fixed on the floor._ Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him…_

"Miss SuperSanne, are you…?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I NEVER WANTED TO WRITE THAT TUVOK/Q FIC! I WASN'T FEELING WELL! MY HAMSTER ATE MY HOMEWORK! TV TOOK AWAY MY CREATIVITY! IT'S A CONSPIRACY, A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!"

Then, right when Tuvok was about to make a typical Vulcan remark, a second Hirogen guard walked in.

"The Alpha wishes to speak to you," he said, "I'll take over"

The guard, however, raised an invisible eyebrow.

"I have strict orders to stay here and watch this prey, under any circumstances!"

"And who gave you these orders?" the other Hirogen asked with a hint of sarcasm

"The Alpha himself," their guard said, while taking a closer look at his colleague. "Wait a minute… who are you? I haven't seen you during the hunt!"

"Voyager is a big ship, you probably just missed me," he said a bit nervous. When the guard continued to look suspiciously at him, he regained his composure. "If you wish to stay, that's fine with me!" he snapped. "I'll just run off and tell the Alpha that you don't feel like following his orders today"

This seemed to change the guards mind. The prospect of an angry Alpha wasn't exactly a pleasant one, and he knew it.

"Alright," he grunted, "just make sure the prey does not escape, or the Alpha will have_ your_ head instead"

He headed for the exit and the minute the doors closed behind him, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks Doc!" Sikar grinned

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Just guessing"

The Doctor walked to the control panel and tried to lift the forcefield. While he was working, he started to explain.

"When the Hirogen were trying to get into Sickbay, I transferred my program to the holo-emitter. I hid in a Jefferies tube and waited until they left. When the coast was clear, I altered my appearance to match that of a Hirogen hunter. I then quickly made my way to the transporter room, but they have rerouted all controls to the bridge," he sighed, "including those of Cargobay two. I can't access the forcefield!"

"Can't you just reroute the power?" Chakotay asked.

"I'm a Doctor, not an engineer!"

"I'll tell you exactly what you have to do," B'Elanna said, pushing Aseawen away, "just listen carefully…"

And so, after the Doctor managed to get them out, they quickly made their way to the bridge. Using the element of surprise and a human shield of Redshirts, the crew took back the ship and beamed the Hirogen onto an M-class planet. Surprisingly, none of the students got seriously injured. SuperSanne had a few scratches on her arm, KayB broke a nail and Aseawen's ego would need some time to grow back to its normal size after B'Elanna's rudeness. Another happy ending… for now…

* * *

**A/N:** Maybe it was a bit short, but this seemed like a good time to end this chapter. In the next one, the lessons will continue! In the story, there will be classes in writing plots, spelling characters names and more! As my new year's resolution, I promise you more OOC-ness, more alien invasions, more rabid Mary-sues and… no plot whatsoever! Mhuahahaha! (laughs maniacally) 


	13. You just don’t want to know…

**A/N: **I figured it was time for an update again… Don't get used to it, teachers are still hunting me down… lurking in the darkness…waiting for me to drop my guard…

I know I updated my other story more often, but I have lot's of inspiration for that one and this one is so much harder! Oh well… enjoy the latest instalment! I'll try to squeeze in another update as soon as I can!

**P.S.** OOC means: Out Of Character (try picturing the Borg Queen sleeping with a stuffed animal)

* * *

**Chapter 13: You just don't want to know…**

"Thank God it's Friday!" Istarwyn said, throwing her arms up.

"Yeah," Slayer agreed, "watching the show is a lot easier than actually being in it"

The students continued to walk through the corridors. Due to the Hirogen attack, most of their lessons for the day had been cancelled because repairs needed to be made first. It was a little hard to follow lessons when the remains of your classroom were floating somewhere in space.

"Hey Honney, what's our next course?" KayB asked.

"Uhm… lemme check…Ah! Here it is! Our next course is… 'Exobiology' with The Doctor in Holodeck One"

_5 Minutes later in front of the entrance to Holodeck One…_

"Looks like the door is closed," Firebirdgirl said.

"Thanks for stating the obvious," Aseawen rolled her eyes sarcastically. She was still in a bad mood because the Hirogen had tried to kill B'Elanna… and B'Elanna had tried to bribe the Hirogen into killing Aseawen.

Suddenly, with a loud 'whoosh' and lots of that neat smoke you always see in the movies, the doors finally opened.

"Come in…" an eerie voice called them from the shadows. For some reason, all the lights in the Holodeck had been turned off.

"Uhm… that didn't sound like the Doctor," Darkninga whispered to the others while keeping an eye on the entrance. "Should we go inside?"

"Probably not," Firebirdgirl mumbled. The others agreed, but somehow felt the overwhelming urge to enter the ominous place anyway. It was very strange: if the students concentrated hard enough, they could vaguely hear thousands of voices gasping or yelling things like "No! Don't go in there you idiots!" and "Jason, are you talking to the people on TV again?", but it was as if some kind of higher power was controlling their actions. Eerie music started to swell in the background as they slowly entered the Holodeck and the words "To Be Continued" appeared out of nowhere…

COMMERCIAL BREAK 

Tuvok and Icheb were shown, playing Kal-Toh in the mess hall. The expressions on their faces were stoic as ever. Suddenly, Yannik came into view. She was just standing still like a statue, her eyes replaced with little swirls.

"Predictability getting you down?" a disembodied voice suddenly boomed.

Yannik nodded in a zombie-like manner.

"Tired of watching filler episodes where nothing really happens?"

Slowly, Yannik nodded again… sort of. A redshirt rushed onto the scene to wipe the drool from her chin.

"Wishing that you could do something to spice up those re-runs you've already seen over a million times?"

Yannik just blinked.

"Well, your days of boredom are over because Q Industries presents 'OOC-ness in a can'!"

With a goofy grin on his face, Q appeared next to the authoress.

"Yes, boys and girls! 'OOC-ness in a can', will change your Star Trek viewing experience forever! My lovely assistant will give you all a quick demonstration."

He flashed the camera a perfect white smile and handed Yannik the can. "Just spray for three seconds, that should be more than enough for those two," he whispered as he pushed the brainwashed student towards the Kal-Toh playing duo. Q crossed his fingers as he watched her staggering closer to her target. Slowly, she raised the can and started to spray. Q breathed a sign of relief, but after a while his victorious expression twisted into a horrified one, when he realised that it had been well over five minutes… and Yannik was still spraying them.

"Thank you Yannik, that'll be enough," he said quickly, while making sure he kept smiling into the camera. The zombiefied authoress, however, kept going until the can was completely empty. Q gulped when he saw that the spray was slowly taking effect.

"Wow…" Tuvok giggled. "I feel… I feel… I feel like SINGING!"

With a girlish squeal, he leaped onto the table and was suddenly dressed a glittery pink bathing suit with a bunny tail.

"Oh, God no!" Q panicked as he desperately tried to cover his eyes. Tuvok winked at the camera and started prancing around in his costume.

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaaaaaay!"

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Q yelled at Yannik, but he suddenly noticed that she had disappeared.

"Gimme 20 bucks!" he suddenly heard someone demanding.

"What the…" he turned around and saw Icheb, holding a spoon in front of Yannik's face.

"I don't have all day, my friend," he said with a fake Italian accent. "Hand over the greens or you and your zombie chick here will be sleeping with the fishes, if ya know what I mean"

"Such a pretty smile, such a pretty face, such a pretty…"

"Shut up Tuvok!"

"No fair boss!" the Vulcan whined. "I never get to express myself!"

The omnipotent glanced at Yannik, who was shaking her head.

"H-hey… where am I? What's going on? Why is Tuvok… EEEEEK!"

"SILENCE!" Icheb bellowed, pushing her away and shoving her into Q's arms. He glared at them, aiming the spoon at them as if it were a phaser. Suddenly, he threw his head back and cackled madly.

"You thought I was just an ordinary ex-drone, huh? Thought you could mess with me, huh?" A mad grin spread across his face. "Well, let tell you something… I'm not really Icheb! It was all a trick, because I'm actually… Dr. Chaotica! Today I will take over the messhall and tomorrow… I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!"

It was then, that Q finally snapped and whacked him on the head with one of Neelix' pans. Tuvok shrieked at the sight of so much violence and almost immediately passed out.

"Q?" Yannik asked.

"Yes?"

"What the hell just happened?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know," he muttered as he snapped his fingers and erased her memory.

END COMMERCIAL BREAK

"I have a feeling this won't end well…" Sikar mumbled as he entered the Holodeck. His suspicions were confirmed when the doors suddenly closed behind him, leaving the students in complete darkness.

"Greetings!" the creepy voice suddenly exclaimed behind them. They turned around and saw…

"AAAAAARGH! IT'S A GHOST!"

The 'ghost' laughed at SuperSanne and turned of the flashlight he was holding under his chin, creating the eerie looking silhouette she had seen.

"You youngsters have no sense of humour… Computer, lights!"

In less than a second, the Holodeck was illuminated again… and the author and authoresses were standing face to face with the perhaps the most dangerous Betazoid in the history of Star Trek…

"Welcome students!" he said, grinning when he saw them slowly backing up against a wall. "My name is Lon Suder, and I will be filling in for the Doctor today"


	14. Death smells like Doritos

**A/N:** I DID IT! After six long months, my project is finally done! I just hope it's good enough, or I can kiss my diploma goodbye….eep!

Enjoy the new chapter! Don't worry about the evil cliffy, now that I finally have some free time, I'll be updating more frequently ;)

* * *

**Chapter 14: Death smells like Doritos**

The Betazoid cleared his throat, as if he was about to make some kind of grand announcement.

"Computer, run educational simulation Suder-one-omega"

"Initiating program," a mechanical female voice replied, and promptly, the Holodeck turned into a rather unusual classroom. Instead of wooden chairs and wobbly desks, there were big, comfortable looking beanbags for them to relax on. They were set up in a way that they formed a large, half circle. In the middle was a small glass table with all kinds of Earth food laid out on top of it. There were potato chips, finger sandwiches, fruit, chocolate and even hotdogs! It looked amazing, and the students would have been very exited, if it had not been for their teacher being a homicidal maniac and all.

"Please," Suder smiled just a little _too_ friendly at them, "have a seat and make yourself comfortable!"

When nobody moved, be glanced around the classroom and suddenly smacked his forehead.

"Of course, how silly of me, I completely forgot the drinks!"

He entered a few commands at a nearby console and a wide selection of cans appeared on the table. He smiled again, creeping everyone out within a 10 light year radius. Deciding that it was probably unwise to refuse his offer, they each sat down on a beanbag and glanced at their teacher.

"Well then," he suddenly started, "today's lesson will be about one of the first race your species has ever encountered... in this reality at least. Does anybody know who I'm talking about?"

He turned to the students and looked at them one by one. They all tried to stay perfectly still and be as invisible as possible. Drawing attention in class in general is a bad idea. Drawing attention in class when your teacher is bloodthirsty Betazoid, is suicide. He sighed and let his gaze rest on Aseawen, who was desperately trying to become one with her beanbag.

"Aseawen, do you know the answer?"

"Uhm... t-the V-Vulcans?" she squeaked.

"Very good!"

He clapped in his hands and a hologram of a naked Vulcan male appeared in front of them. Well, almost naked: he had underwear, but it was so close fitting, that it left very little to the imagination.

"Great, a naked Tuvok look-a-like is just what I wanted to see before I die." Firebirdgirl shuddered.

Suder frowned at her.

"Did you say something, Firebirdgirl?"

"Uhm… no?"

"Good," his eyes narrowed. "I don't like it when people talk behind my back."

She gulped and nodded. After a last quick warning glare, the Betazoid walked away again and glanced at the food on the table.

"Why isn't anyone eating?"

"We're not hungry…" SuperSanne mumbled while eyeing the very tempting looking display. It was really tempting to get her hands on some non-Neelix food, but she wasn't so sure about the ingredients Suder had used.

"Come on, give it a try," he chuckled. "one bite won't kill you."

Very slowly, SuperSanne reached for a sandwich. It was probably poisoned, but she decided to take the risk. Surprisingly, it tasted great! She took another bite, and in a few minutes she had wolfed down the entire thing.

"Hey, this is really good!" she grinned.

The others carefully tried the food as well and discovered that Suder apparently had other talents than just growing orchids or going on random killing sprees. Then again… 'killing sprees' might not be the right way to put it. Apart from a couple of Cardassians (and those guys were creeps anyway) , he had only killed one redshirt and Tuvok had cured him after that, right? That had to be the reason why they were still alive. Thank God for mindmelds!

While everyone relaxed in their seats, Suder continued giving everyone the 'Vulcan 101'. Every now and then he paused and asked if there were any questions. Unlike everyone had expected, he was actually quite friendly and patient, even when Darkninga burst into a fit of giggles (and made several NC-17 rated comments during the process) when he tried to teach the students about 'The myths and legends surrounding the Pon Farr'.

'This is great…' Sikar thought to himself, while munching on a slice of pizza. 'No Hirogens trying to rip my head off, no crazy chases through the Jefferies tubes, but finally a chance to just kick back and relax…'

He suppressed a yawn. The beanbag was very, very comfortable and he always felt a bit drowsy after eating for some reason. He glanced at the Betazoid, who had his back turned to him. 'Suder seems like a cool guy, I'm sure he won't mind if I just…close my eyes…for a couple of minutes…'

_A lot more than a couple of minutes later…_

"Hey, psst…"

Honney felt someone tapping her on the shoulder.

"What is it?"

"Check it out." KayB smirked as she pointed to Sikar, who was smiling and mumbling in his sleep.

"Looks like he's having a good dream." Honney suppressed a mischievous grin.

"Who's having a good dream?" They suddenly heard Suder asking behind them.

"Uhm… I did, last night!" KayB hastily said. She still hadn't entirely forgiven Sikar for his sexist comment earlier (even though he had sworn he didn't mean it that way afterwards), but she wasn't going to rat him out to Suder either. The guy was still a fellow student and they might needed him as a 'decoy' in case more aliens tried to board the ship in the future.

"Oh, really?" he asked sarcastically when Sikar suddenly let out a rather loud snore. The Betazoid slowly walked over to the sleeping student, and tried to shake his shoulders.

"Hnng… Please Seven, we talked about this… Chakotay would be devastated if…" He trailed off when he finally woke up and stared right into Suder's black eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!"

He shot up and tried to back away, tripping over his beanbag in the process. Flailing his arms, he instinctively grabbed onto the first thing his hands found, which unfortunately happened to be Istarwyn's hair.

"OWW! OWW! OWW!" she shouted as she tried to keep her balance. Startled, he let go, making her to fall over in the opposite direction and crash into the table, causing a bowl of Doritos to become airborne and land on Suder's head.

"Uh oh…" they both gulped in unison.

The Betazoid clenched his fists, took a few deep breaths and started mumbling something in Vulcan. After a few minutes, it seemed like he was calming down and everything would go back to normal, until Slayer suddenly let out a suppressed giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asked in a dangerously calm voice.

She tried not to say it, she really did. It was just that, where her brain wanted to live, her mouth felt the need to commit suicide.

"Well…uhm…"

"Yes?"

"You see…heeheehee…with all those Doritos stuck in your hair… you kinda look like a Kazon! HAHAHAHAHA!" She fell over and started laughing hysterically.

Bad move.

"WHY YOU LITTLE…!"

Suder lunged for the authoress, but tripped over the remains of the table, causing him to land flat on his face in the shattered glass. The students prepared for the worst, but the Betazoid did not get up, not even after they waited a few seconds.

"Uh oh," Slayer whispered nervously, "I think we killed him…"

"_WE_ killed him?" Yannik exclaimed, but a startled yell from Doec alerted them to the fact that Suder was still very much alive.

"I…CAN'T….TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" He roared as he tried to grab a leg of the table and swung it around.

"Eh guys…what are we going to do now?" Feathergriffin squeaked.

"What every red-blooded earthling would do in a situation like this." SuperSanne replied calmly.

"And that is?"

"PANIC!"


	15. But that’s barbaric!

**A/N: **Yup… I'm still slow with those updates. Oh well, I figured that I should at least finish this chapter before leaving on vacation. Better late than never, right? (smiles sheepishly).

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 15: But that's barbaric!**

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PUNKS!"

The students dashed through the corridors at top speed, but the angry Betazoid followed them in hot pursuit.

"EEEEEK! I'm too young to die!" Doec panicked. "There's still so much I want to do!"

"Me too!" SuperSanne cried. "If Suder catches us, I'll never get to watch Deep Space Nine!"

They continued running (and knocking over random redshirts in the process) until they bumped into a very familiar figure, who happened to be on his way for a visit to the Captain.

"Q! Oh boy, am I glad to see you!" Istarwyn tried to hug him.

"Don't even think about it!" the omnipotent warned and materialized a restraining order out of nowhere. "What are you students doing here? Aren't you supposed to have exobiology now?"

"We were, until our teacher decided that he wanted to dissect us!" Darkninga exclaimed.

"And just what exactly did you do to him?" Q asked with a frown.

"Nothing!" everyone started laughing sheepishly. "Except for poking fun at his hologram…"

"…Making perverted comments…"

"…Falling asleep during his class…"

"…Screaming in his face…"

"…Wrecking the furniture…"

"…Throwing Doritos at his head…"

"…But other that that, everything was perfectly fine until he suddenly snapped and went Freddy Krueger on us!"

If Star Trek Voyager had been an anime, Q would've sweatdropped. Instead, he sighed and glared at them one by one.

"Alright, I'll help out, but JUST this once and you have to understand that I will have to report this"

"Yes! Yes! Just get us out of here!" they all yelled at him.

* * *

"Eh?" Slayer blinked. She looked around and realized that she was no longer running from Suder or talking to Q. Instead, she and the others were standing in front of a desk that looked very familiar.

"Hey, what happened?" Yannik asked slightly dazed.

"I dunno…" Aseawen rubbed her eyes. "I think Q switched scenes or something"

"That would explain the gap in my memory…"

Their conversation was interrupted by the chime of the doors opening. When they saw who had entered, all hell broke loose.

"Oh… my… God….!"

"No way…"

"Are you really…?"

The woman gulped nervously at the students who looked like they were going to pounce at her any second. So fast that they could barely follow, she literally leaped behind her desk, hit a button and erected a forcefield. It was not a minute too soon…

"Wow, Captain Janeway!" KayB squealed. "I can't believe it's you! Can I have your auto… OWW!" she tried to glomp the poor woman, but was flung back by the forcefield. Janeway looked relieved, but still nervous.

'Wow, I've never seen her so jumpy on TV before,' Sikar thought. 'Then again, I'd also rather go a couple of rounds against Species 8472 than having to be the Captain of a ship filled with rabid fangirls'

Janeway coughed to get everyone's attention, and sat down on her chair. She folded her hands in that typical Janeway-manner of her and looked at the students.

"It has come to my attention that there have been some serious incidents during Lon Suder's class. His behaviour was unacceptable and therefore he has been thrown into the brig."

"Good riddance!" Darkninga huffed. "That moron tried to kill us!"

"However," the Captain continued with a sharp tone, "Q has told me about your share in the so-called 'Dorito Disaster' and you are going to have to take responsibility for your actions. I will …"

"Beam us onto the nearest M-class planet?" Firebirdgirl guessed.

"Revoke your Holodeck and replicator privileges for three weeks"

"No Holodeck for three weeks? I can handle… WHAT? NO REPLICATOR?" she screeched in horror.

"You mean we have to go without food for 21 days? That's barbaric!" Yannik protested.

"You can eat in the messhall until your punishment is over"

"I'd rather starve than having to touch Neelix' idea of food again," Honney shivered. "Can't you just drop us off at the nearest Borg Cube and put us out of our misery?"

The captain narrowed her eyes and scowled at them. On her face was not just any look, but the famous JanewayTM look. The one that has "get out now or I'll kick your ass all the way back to Starfleet Headquarters" written all over it.

"You will not have access to the Holodeck or your replicators for three weeks, and that's final. Dismissed!"

"Damn…"

* * *

The students sat together at a table in the messhall. It was only 15.00, but they needed a few hours to build up courage for dinner. Also, since they had the rest of the day off, they figured that they might as well do their homework together.

"So… what is our homework anyway?" Aseawen asked.

"Well, until Tuvok has reviewed our romance fics, we only have our OC-development assignment from Seven to worry about," Sikar answered. "It says here on my PADD that we have to think of our own Original Character and write a detailed description of their personality, race, job and so on"

"How do you know that? I thought you were in quarantine during that class!"

"The Doctor gave it to me"

"I bet you wouldn't fall asleep during Seven's lessons…" she grinned mischievously.

"Ehehe… let's start on that assignment now!" he quickly changed the subject and reached for his PADD. A few minutes later, all the students were busy trying to think of the best OC ever since the Big Bang. Needless to say, it was easier said than done.

"Let's see…" SuperSanne mused. "T-pel is going to be a half Vulcan, half Betazoid, half Klingon-human hybrid with the power to see…"

"You can't have four halves! That would be, like, two persons!" Istarwyn laughed.

"Thy shall not question my creativity!" SuperSanne glared, while clutching the PADD protectively to her chest. "Besides that, T-pel has a very complex background!"

"Hey, what about my character?" Feathergriffin asked. "Maela is a handsome Vidiian scientist who has been training his whole life to master the secret art of…"

"Handsome?" Slayer interrupted. "The Vidiians are just about the ugliest race in the galaxy because of that disease!"

"That's because he doesn't have the Phage"

"Why not?"

"Well… just because"

"Because what?"

"… Artistic licence"

"Hello there!" Neelix suddenly chirped, causing them all to almost jump out of their skins. The Talaxian had the rather annoying habit of magically appearing out of nowhere, and so far, no one had been able to find out exactly how he did it.

"You students have really been going at it since you've been here, so I brought you some refreshments," he said while placing a tray on the table. The group eyed the drinks with great suspicion, hoping that the liquid would not jump out of the glasses and merge into a single giant flesh eating blob that would wipe out half the quadrant. Hey, it could happen!

"It's orange juice," the Talaxian stated with a flat face.

The students, slightly embarrassed, grabbed their drinks.

"I heard you have to create your own character for Seven's class," he started. "If you need some advice, I might have a couple of ideas that work! How about this: a young Talaxian merchant who stumbles upon a starship and…"

"Don't worry Neelix," Aseawen cut him off. "I already have the coolest OC in the history of… well… OCness!"

She picked up her PADD and proudly handed it to the alien.

"El-banna Sorret," he read out loud, "is the most beautiful, intelligent, gifted, charismatic, friendly, and overall talented Klingon-human hybrid in this side of the galaxy, even though she is not nearly as great and superior as my most favourite…"

Neelix raised an eyebrow and handed the device back to Aseawen.

"Aren't you going to keep reading?" she asked innocently.

"Well… I… oh, would you look at the time? I think I'll leave you to your work now, goodbye!"

And with that, he hurried back to his galley.

"Wow, what'd you think got into him all of the sudden?" she wondered, but the others wisely pretended not to have heard…


	16. Curiosity killed the Redshirt

**A/N** I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am for putting this fic on hold for almost a year! I didn't have much inspiration and when I did, I was afraid of ruining the fic. Stupid, I know, but still… writers block galore. I've decided to write the fic the way I want to. Some of you might want more lessons, some will want more alien attacks and some just want to see certain crewmembers with very little clothing, but I guess I'll have to accept that I can't please everyone. I hope you'll still like the fic and thank you for reviewing even when I was too lazy to get off my ass and update.

Enjoy!

**P.S. **As some of you might have noticed, I have changed my screen name to mach my deviantart account. I'll continue to use my old screen name here to prevent confusion.

* * *

**Chapter 16: Curiosity killed the Redshirt**

The students dragged themselves through the corridors back to their quarters. They had all eaten 'the Daily Special' and were now suffering the consequences.

"Why did I have to run from the Hirogen… WHY?" Sikar groaned, rubbing his temples. "At least THEY would've made it quick, unlike 'the Janewaynator' and her unholy disciplinary measures"

"At least it's weekend, so we can get back to bed now and die in peace," SuperSanne muttered, clutching her head. She had no idea what kind of 'secret ingredient' Neelix had used this time, but it felt like her brain had liquefied and was now slowly oozing out of her ears. A rather painful experience indeed. They kept staggering down the halls until they reached the student quarters. With a sigh, SuperSanne and Istarwyn entered their room and flopped down on their beds.

"What I wouldn't give for some aspirin," Istarwyn grumbled.

"Hey, there's something lying on your night stand," SuperSanne pointed out. "Were those there before?"

"No… I don't think so," Istarwyn frowned. She picked up the objects: two hyposprays, bearing the label: 'PLOT DEVICE'.

"Think we should try it?" SuperSanne wondered.

"I'll try anything," Istarwyn shrugged and used one of the hyposprays like she had seen on the show. Almost immediately, her headache disappeared. Seeing the relieved look on her face, SuperSanne grabbed the other hypospray and did the same.

"Much better," she sighed.

"I'm still worried though…" Istarwyn started.

"Why?"

"Instead of spending the entire weekend in the bathroom, we get an instant cure-"

"Which conveniently makes us healthy enough to get caught in yet another crazy adventure," SuperSanne finished with a groan. They should've known better than to use a hypospray that obviously had 'Q' written all over it. It wouldn't be much fun to sic a horde of rabid Ferengi at the helpless students, if they were too sick to care.

"Firebirdgirl to SuperSanne and Istarwyn," suddenly sounded from their combadges.

"SuperSanne and Istarwyn here," they said.

"Did you guys also-"

"The hyposprays?" SuperSanne guessed. "Yup, we got those to"

"And did you-"

"yeah, we used them," Istarwyn said.

"We all did," Firebirdgirl sighed. Obviously, she had reached the same conclusion. "We're having an emergency meeting in Yannik's and Doec's quarters in five minutes"

"We'll be there, SuperSanne out"

Before stepping out of their room, the two students exchanged nervous glances: this would NOT end well.

* * *

"I still say we should just go out there and kick their ass!" Darkninga declared. 

"Wait a minute, we don't even know who's going to attack us!" Sikar protested.

"It doesn't even have to be a real all-guns-blazing type assault anyway," Slayer said. "Our next big problem could also be an alien virus spreading throughout the ship, or a warp core breach, or…"

"Okay, okay, we get the picture," KayB cut her off. She had started to look rather greenish.

"Question is, what are we going to do about it?" Feathergriffin asked.

"Let's recap," Yannik spoke up. "up until now, we had two major incidents: first the Hirogen attack, and then the whole Dorito Disaster. Both took place while we were OUTSIDE our quarters"

"And the Captain clearly stated that during an attack, we have to return to our rooms…" SuperSanne nodded, slowly getting the point.

"Also, most of the enemies don't go anywhere near crew quarters during the show," Honney added. "They usually duke it out on the bridge or other critical locations on the ship!"

"Which means that we should be okay, as long as we stay put," Darkninga concluded. They all nodded in agreement.

The next morning, the entire gang got together again in Yannik and Doec's quarters. It was only 5AM, but sleep was about the last thing on their minds.

"It's going to be the Vidiians, I just know it," Aseawen shuddered. "With all those students on board, they're going have a field day harvesting new organs!"

"Unless Species 8472 gets to us first, and decides to 'purge our galaxy' of rabid fangirls," SuperSanne gulped, ignoring the somewhat insulted look on Sikar's face, who was muttering something about 'fanboys never getting any credit'.

"Or the Hirogen might decide they want another set of trophies to decorate their ship," Darkninga mused.

"But they already paid us a visit," Firebirdgirl said.

"Well yeah…" Darkninga put a hand behind her head and laughed sheepishly, "But I kind of kicked their Alpha in the goods on his way out, so they could come back for revenge"

"You did WHAT?" the other students shrieked.

"Give me a break, the guy was like a walking skyscraper! There weren't that many places I could hit him without using a ladder!"

"Evil …mental…images…"

Their discussion on Hirogen physiology was interrupted by a loud growling noise, coming from SuperSanne stomach.

"I haven't eaten since yesterday," she complained. Two hours had already passed and it was now 7AM. Visions of orange juice and toasted bread started swimming in front of her eyes as her stomach started to protest again.

"I sure could go for some food too," Slayer sighed. "Even if that means starting the day with a bowl of "Leolaroot-O's", or whatever it is Neelix serves for breakfast"

Hunger works a lot like yawning: as soon as one person starts, it doesn't take long before everyone else gets it too. 30 minutes later, the entire group of students was laying on the floor, fantasizing about donut-shaped galaxies and edible furniture. It was then that they realized something HAD to be done…

* * *

"They don't pay me enough for this," Redshirt #265 muttered as he walked down the corridor of Deck 12. He had barely survived an away mission to a 'deserted' asteroid and was looking forward to a few hours of peace and quiet. Or at least… until someone _else_ decided they would feel more comfortable with a human shield on hand. 

"In fact…," he continued sulking, "they don't pay me at all! Who's bright idea was it to make money obsolete, anyway?"

The nameless crewman stopped grumbling when he heard something whispering.

"Hey there… yes, I'm talking to you! Get over here for a minute, will ya?"

Curious, the Redshirt looked in the direction of the voice. The corridor was empty, but one of the doors belonging to the student quarters, was opened slightly. A hand poked out into the hall and beckoned him to come closer. When he did so, the hand suddenly grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and yanked him into the dark room. He heard the doors close and quickly jumped to a fighting stance.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic!" a voice behind him said sarcastically when suddenly the lights turned back on. #265 whirled around and found himself in the middle of a group of eleven girls and one guy. They all looked at him desperately, like he was their last hope of survival.

'What else is new…' he thought wryly.

"Is… something wrong?"

"WE'RE HUNGRY!"

The Redshirt fell over animestyle.

"Well, you didn't have to drag me in here for that! You could've just_ asked_ for directions to the Messhall!"

"No can do," Feathergriffin shook her head. "The eerie music already started playing when we left our own quarters to meet here. If we stay out longer than three minutes, we're toast!"

"More like _burned_ toast," SuperSanne added grimly (A/N: digital cookies for the first person who gets the reference!)

"So you're basically asking me to be your personal servant?" he snorted. "Forget it!"

"Look buddy," Sikar spoke up. "Someone or something is lurking out there, just waiting for us to leave this safe zone. If they attack the ship, who do you think they will go after first?"

The Redshirt turned white as a sheet.

"Stay here," he panicked, "I'll be back in a minute. Just… just don't move, okay?" And with that, he hurried out the quarters and rushed towards the Messhall.

_90 minutes later…_

"You know…" Firebirdgirl started, "We have to leave our spot sometime, we do have class on Monday"

"That, and I seriously need to stretch my legs," Doec agreed, absentmindedly staring at door, willing #265 to return with their food. With their luck, he had probably been caught in a tragic cheese grater accident or something random like that. Redshirts were even worse than the Ocampa when it came to their average lifespan.

"I never thought I'd say this," Slayer sighed, "but I'm bored!"

As if cue… they heard the background music starting again. Sikar glared at her.

"Oh, you just HAD to say it, didn't you!?"

Suddenly, they heard someone banging on their door.

"Open up, it's me!"

SuperSanne opened the door and the Redshirt hurried inside their quarters. The tray of food was quickly snatched from his hands.

"What took you so long?" Honney asked while wolfing down a platter of waffles. Or at least… she thought they were waffles. With Neelix, you could never be really sure.

"I had to cook all this stuff myself," he winced at the memory, cradling his burned arm: Redshirts and heated objects do not mix.

"That explains why our breakfast hasn't tried to fight back yet," KayB said, finishing her bacon and eggs. "Why didn't Neelix cook something up for us?"

"He's in sickbay, along with most students and about every semi-important member of the crew. Apparently, there was a glitch in the replicators and they are all down with food poisoning"

A violent blast suddenly rocked the ship. The students managed to keep their balance, #265 stumbled trough the room on one leg, hit his knee against a table, crashed into a wall, slipped over a conveniently located banana peel and ended up face-down on the floor.

"Oh, don't worry about me, I'm just FINE!" he exclaimed sarcastically when no one made any attempt to help him up. Grumbling, he got back on his feet and arched an eyebrow when he noticed that everyone was standing in front of the window.

"What is it?" he asked, slightly confused.

"Trust me," Doec said with a hint of pity in her voice, "you don't want to know"

Against better judgement, the Redshirt looked over her shoulder and immediately wished he had just stayed in bed that day. There, in the depths of a greenish nebula, a fleet of Borg cubes emerged… and they were heading straight for Voyager.


End file.
